Welcome. This is a README, and yes—you should read it. It describes the project, how to use it, and most importantly… how to make life-changing coffee.
- First things first
- Strong coffee is mandatory
- How to use this README
This README exists for one purpose: to guide you.
It covers the project, its use, and survival through caffeine.
⚠️ The coffee section is critical. Ignore it at your peril.
- GitHub users
- Humans who need coffee to function
- People who appreciate well-documented chaos
Before using this README, ensure you have:
- Coffee (duh)
- 2 tablespoons of coffee
- 4 tablespoons of sugar
- 1/4 cup oat milk (or milk of choice)
- 3/4 cup water
-
No installation required.
- Simplystart reading and brew coffee.
- Optional: delegate reading to a colleague.
-
Drink coffee.
- If the cup is empty, make more.
- If no ingredients remain, accept your fate and go shopping.
- Boil water.
- Add coffee and sugar.
- Add 3/4 cup of water and stir.
- Add 1/4 cup oat milk and stir gently—DO NOT SPILL.
- Drink immediately and bask in your genius.
- Coffee is hot. Approach with care.
- Spilled coffee may result in minor tragedy.
| Issue | Solution |
|---|---|
| Coffee is too hot | Wait a few minutes. Patience is a virtue. |
| Coffee is cold | Reheat or start over. |
| Coffee is too bitter | Add sugar or milk. Experiment boldly. |
| Coffee is too sweet | Brew a fresh cup, mix, or add bitterness. |
| Coffee not sweet enough | Add more sugar. Taste again. |
- Think you can write a better README? You’re probably wrong.
- Think you can brew better coffee? Prove it.
- Iced coffee ≠ coffee (but it’s good).
- Creativity and caffeine are strongly encouraged.
- Amphetmines too - legal that is.
- If you need help, you clearly haven’t read this README.
- If you read this far, congratulations—you’re doing fine.
- If you want to help, bring coffee. Always coffee.